Easing into 2023 | Brooklyn Blonde

I personally appreciate the idea of a new year and a new slate.

As I get older, my main goals are to work on myself and to continually improve on a human level. To not react in frustration is at the top of my list. especially as the kids get older and are testing us in completely different ways. I jokingly (but not really), said to my friend the other day: “I’m a really great mom when the kids are behaving,” but that’s a topic for another day.

I’m also trying to be more way more mindful of what feels right for me. While that seems a bit selfish to type, on the contrary, it has the opposite effect. Less frustration, less feeling burned out and giving myself to the moments that fill me up: being a better parent, friend, daughter, wife, mother and overall, human.

In 2022, I’ve gotten so much better at saying no and not worrying about people pleasing as much. This year, I want to continue that trajectory as it’s felt pretty great. It feels like that’s been the theme for a lot of us over the last few years. Is it because we’re so accessible these days? A quick email, text or slip into the DMs. There are pros and cons, but it has become a slippery slope.

One inner monologue tip that has helped me tremendously is playing a “this or that” game. Let me give two examples:

Someone sends me a DM asking me where something is from, but at the same exact time, one of my kids is asking for my help in something. I’m not able to do both at the same time. I’ll say to myself: what’s more important in this moment – “this or that? or in this case, answering this DM or being present with my kid. The answer is simple. It’s not to say that I don’t value my messages or my online community, but often, we have to make a choice with our time, our energy and how we spend it.

Another example: a woman nudges me so she could get onto the train. Helena of a few years ago would burst out “EXCUSE ME!!” and right after, my heart rate would be elevated and my entire mood would shift. Here, if I play the “this or that” – what’s more important: letting it go, giving her the benefit of the doubt and carrying on with my day and good mood or flipping out and then feeling like shit for the next 30 minutes which in turn, spirals into everything else. Again, the answer is simple.

Next time, pause for a few seconds before you react and ask yourself  “this or that” and see how much your inner dialogue can guide you into making a better decision. This has been a massive game changer in how I approach many situations.

In addition to the above, while I definitely wont be practicing dry January or vowing to dine out less, here are some things I want to continue working on:

1. First and foremost, getting back into Therapy. It’s going to be key for my own personal growth and I’m really missing it. If anyone has any New York therapists they recommend, please email me or leave me a comment below.

2. Count to three before reacting to my children in frustration.

3. In fact, try to never respond in frustration to any situation. Let it simmer for a bit. I’ve worked on this a lot over the last few years and it comes with time and practice, but I always remind myself “Do I ever feel good when I simply react?” The answer is no 99.9% of the time.

4. If a person has a great quality I admire, let them know.

5. To piggyback off the above, genuinely compliment strangers on a regular basis. If I like an outfit, let them know. If they have great energy, let them know. If they have a great laugh, let them know. That positive energy is so contagious.

6. Worry less about what people think. Worry more about what I think.

7. Challenge myself creatively.

8. Take more (mentally challenging) risks. I’ll elaborate a bit more on this one. Before covid, I was feeling industry burnout. I didn’t really have the urge to attend events and started feeling like my time in that chapter has come. After covid, I began to miss certain aspects of that life. I have become way choosier with what I commit to, but I’ve also became okay with attending many things solo after having so many of my industry friends move away. I’ve actually loved challenging myself to walk into a party without a friend and 9/10 times, the night would end in a great conversation, someone I may have not otherwise spent some time with. Something about challenging yourself in that type of situation feels so rewarding.

That’s really it. Of course I have other goals and habits I want to stay on top of, but it’s the above eight things that are really my focus of doing the work.

How about you? Please share so we could all potentially benefit from it!